she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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