This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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