i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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