Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
