this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
