youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
