I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
