I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
