I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
