: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Found the puke drawer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
