I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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