Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
