Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
