im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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