Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
