It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
