If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
