Christians are straight up FREAKS
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
