is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
