sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
