I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
