mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
