I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
