You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
