If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
