is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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