I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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