You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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