"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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