I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
