I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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