I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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