I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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