I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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