sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
