i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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