Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
