why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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