You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
