; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
