i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
