I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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