i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
