he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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