dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize