so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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