Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
