I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
