Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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