does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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