By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
