I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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