I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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