Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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