y did u give ur computer a hand job?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
