Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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