This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
