I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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