Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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