Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
