i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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