At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
