Fuck appropriateness.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
