i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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