the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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