that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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