Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize