I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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