Banned from zoo.
Again?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
