My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
