just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
