I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
