Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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