we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My penis needs a shock collar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
