is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sober January is a disaster.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
