I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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